Want to protest violently? Come to South Africa!

Are you tired of settling for boring, peaceful protesting?

Is your first-world government forcing you to demonstrate in a mature, responsible manner?

Do you yearn to be a lawless agent of anarchy?

Well, never fear, South Africa is here!

 

That’s what I’m talking about!

From flinging feces to vandalism and violence, your civil disobedience will reach new heights once you’re in South Africa – the republic of no repercussions.

In South Africa, you can protest your way on your terms – whenever, wherever.

In fact, peaceful, controlled demonstrations are discouraged – especially when they challenge government policy that is inherently unethical and despotic.

Boring!

You’re much better off joining a mob of union strikers for months of fun:

  • holding your employers to ransom/incurring debt and starving your family;
  • vandalizing any and all premises in the general vicinity of your place of employment;
  • intimidating, assaulting and even murdering those who do want to feed their families by going to work; and
  • roaming the streets and generally just fucking shit up.

Fast-forward to 2:16 for an awesome GTA-style getaway. Hellz yeah!

And all this while your power-hungry union leaders squabble over a wage increase that will take your earnings from not-enough to still-not-enough. You may have to go back to work eventually but don’t worry – in the months, if not years, it will take you to recover the money you lost while striking, you’ll have worked up the bitterness and anger required for another pointless strike. Amandla!

Protesting in South Africa is ABSOLUTELY FREE.

But if you call 0800-ANARCHY-SA now, you’ll get

The Total Aniallation SA Protest Starter Kit
for only R299 (less thanUS $29)! Normally: R499!
WOWAWEEWAH!

The Total Aniallation SA Protest Starter Kit will help you to become the best protester you can be and includes:

  • 1x panga for slicing your enemies.
  • 1x knobkerrie for skull-cracking.
  • 1x whistle for… well, whistling.
  • 1x  superior-build Vuvuleza for vuvuzela-ing.
  • 1x protest dance-and-song manual.

You go, girl.

But wait, there’s more!

Call now and you’ll get a free SAPS (South African Police Service) uniform, valued at R2 500. Use the uniform to create an income based on bribes and heinous crimes, while you strike! That’s unbelievable value! What’s that I hear you say?

‘What’s so special about South Africa? I can do this in other parts of Africa and get away with even more.’

That may be, but South Africa gives you many of the perks you’re used to enjoying in your own first-world country: It’s home to a water-tight constitution; celebrated freedom of the press; extensive infrastructure; public transport (limited but existing); ever-improving internet access; high quality satellite television; a burgeoning, internationally recognised music scene; Nobel peace and literature prize winners; spectacular natural beauty; craft beer; a melting pot of welcoming cultures, braais (barbecues); unique and exciting nightlife; and last but not least – the best god-damn cricket team in the world. And despite rising inflation, the cost of living remains comparatively low!

In short, South Africa provides the unique balance of modern convenience and backward policing every suppressed 1st-world protestor dreams of.

So what are you waiting for? Visit South Africa and get your protest on, today!

Terms and conditions apply. Vuvuzela’s subject to availiability.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Want to protest violently? Come to South Africa!

  1. That’s racist! This is my culture.

    You think you are funny and clever at the same time! Yah, you are! I like your tendencies!

    Also, where is the number for that dancing striker? She is too beautiful!

    Amandla comrade!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Comrade, Julius! Too nice of you to comment! I thought you would have contacted her by now. She’s pretty famous. Even started her own dance class phenomenon – TNDS (Too Nice Dancing Styles).

      Like

  2. Brilliant Niall……..really superb writing…….funny,informative and……..well just about the best thing I’ve read for a while……..hell yeah…..nice one
    Keep up the writing
    Love
    Dad

    Liked by 1 person

Have your say

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s