Quickie: ‘Swimming at The Gym is for Old People’

me oldGranny-skin is a real thing.

The disturbing image you see above is me. Well, it’s sort of me.

No, I’m not some kind of  weird Benjamin Button dude with a head that has aged significantly slower than the rest of his body. And I’m not the result of an experiment-gone-wrong like in the movie The Flywhere a pensioner accidentally hobbled in to the opposing teleportation pod, either.

That visual is the result of some pretty decent photoshop work by a mate at work. He scoffed at the idea of me swimming at the gym. He reckons that kind of thing is ‘for old people’.

There’s a stigma that only hard cardio and iron-pumping (klapping gym, charna!) is fit for manly-men wanting to get fit. The rest is reserved for women, children and old people with no cartilage left in their knees.


But fuck that idea. I love my sports and they require me to run a lot, and I’m fine with that. But if I can get the chance to exercise without putting strain on my knees, I take it. Because too much running and lifting earlier in life is often the reason why older people have mummified joints.

Here’s an article entitled How to Beat Runner’s Knee.

You can read it if you like. It’s well put together but it goes on about meniscus and inflammation and synoviums (even my spell checker doesn’t know what a synovium is). The point is that there’s a whole school of thought dedicated to preventing fucked-up knees due to running.

When I get in the pool, I don’t have to worry about ‘Swimmer’s knee’. All I’m concerned with is powering through the water like a fucking sweatless, goggle-wearing merman, while everyone else (bar sweet old Mrs Higgenbottom) kill themselves on the treadmills overhead.

zoolander merman

Swimming gives my joints a rest while still giving me a good workout. It’s more fun than running or cycling on the same spot. And it’s refreshing, damn it! Plus, the old people are kinda nice. They’re friendly. And they won’t judge you because well, let’s face it, you’re always gonna be the most ripped (least wrinkly) person there.

And besides, which would you rather look like?

A runner,


A bodybuilder,


or a swimmer?


Case closed.

Aniallator out.

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